Relational Evangelism

“The most effective evangelism – by far – occurs through meaningful relationships between  Christians and non-Christians.”

The list of Church Growth authors who keep reminding us of this truth include,  to name a few, Bill Easum, Lyle Schaller, Bill Tenny-Brittain, and Charles Arn.

Did you also know that over twice as many non-Christians come to Christ through relationships with Christian friends or relatives than all other reasons — combined?

Jesus taught and modeled this approach repeatedly in his ministry.

He told the demon possessed man “Go home to your friends and tell them what wonderful things God has done for you….”

When Zacchaeus had finished hosting Jesus for a meal and conversion, Jesus told him that thus salvation would also come to his friends and family.

After Jesus healed the son of a royal official we learn that he, and all his family and friends, believed.

Jesus taught about sharing God’s love with people we know, and about getting to know new people so that we will be His light to them.  This is THE WAY that the Gospel travels! God’s grace and love are experienced through us as we give to others the love God so freely gives to us.

There is one essential requirement for being an incarnational evangelist: WE MUST BE CLOSE ENOUGH TO UNBELIEVERS FOR CHRIST TO BE OBSERVED AND EXPERIENCED in us. And that is the rub. The longer we are in church, the more friends we have in the church… And the fewer friends we have who are outside the church. Simply put, most Christians have very few close friends who are non-Christian.  Without those relationships, it is impossible to be Christ-like for Christ’s very life modeled what he meant when he said “Go and make Disciples….”

So friends, let me ask you?  How many non-Christian friends do you have and stay in touch with regularly? Is it time to go out and begin making some new friends? Yes, that is Jesus’ voice telling us to go out and befriend the tax collectors and sinners!  To hear it as Biblical scholar Eugene Peterson translates in THE MESSAGE … ” Jesus was spoken of as a friend of the riffraff.”  (Matt. 11:19)

Jesus is saying to us we are to be the salt of the earth, and salt does not season itself.  I guess this means we should  get going and start shaking”  Do I hear an AMEN?  (which means “so be it, I will!” )

At What Cost

A woman once came to Jesus and used an expensive oil, typically reserved for a deceased person, to anoint his feet. His disciples were shocked. One even suggested that this was a despicable waste of such a costly commodity which could be put to better use in ministry with the poor.  Jesus response was to point out the depth of her worship and her willingness to give of her best to honor her Master.    (John 12:1-11)

I wonder which side of that debate we  would all come down on.  Did she know something we fail to realize most of our lives: that if we are truly worshipping and serving our Lord we will give of our very best rather than whatever we have left over after doing what we have always done?

Anointed Living

Bowing at your scent laden feet

   she let down her hair in complete homage

   as she washed your weary soles with her tresses.

Her most costly gift:

   was it the expensive perfume of nard

   whose aroma filled the room

   with a foreshadowing of His coming death?

Or was it, perhaps, an extravagant gift of herself

   to the one who would soon give himself for her?

Amidst the vehement protests of that most misguided  disciple,

   Mary gently demonstrated what happens

   when divine understanding dawns upon us.

Could it be that when we truly “get you”

   our petty arguments about who is right,

   about the proper ways to honor and serve you

   are washed away as we discover real discipleship?

Lord Jesus, is that the aroma of grace I smell

   as our lives and worship become filled with

   gracious responses to your loving sacrifice for us?

SDB

Forget the Church, Follow Jesus?

Forget the Church, Follow Jesus?.

Forget the Church, Follow Jesus?

I confess I am behind on my reading. This week I discovered something I had missed.  Last spring in Newsweek Andrew Sullivan wrote an article entitled “Forget the Church, Follow Jesus.”  He began his article by recalling Thomas Jefferson’s “non-standard revised and abbreviated edition” of the New Testament , continued with a candid assessment of both 21century church and state, and concluded with  a pithy conclusion which noted our political and religious immaturity.  Needless to say, his column kick-started a number of scathing rebuttals, many of which are rife with the kind of inflammatory remarks which serve to illustrate his point.  The fact is, his article is way closer to the truth than many of us would like for  it to be.

Jefferson, not unlike many today, was deeply offended by the image into which humanity  remakes Jesus.   As is always the case, no narrative passes down through multiple ears and generations with out being interpreted and reinterpreted with each reading.  Biblical scholars have for some time acknowledged that what we have in the Scriptures, being written by mortals while inspired by God’s Spirit,  reflects the message the authors wanted to convey. For example, each Gospel writer had  different point(s) they wanted to make about Jesus. To Matthew he was, among many things,  the long awaited Messiah while one of Luke’s important themes is that Jesus’ message was and is for everyone, regardless of race, gender, etc.  Ensuing generations have added layers of tradition and interpretation to Jesus and his message. So Sullivan and Jefferson are in good company when the question what Jesus might think of our world today.

Sullivan reminds us just how frequently and easily religion has been used to justify inhuman behaviors and actions. He queries “What does it matter how strictly your proclaim your belief in various doctrines if you do not live as these doctrines demand?  What is politics if not a dangerous temptation toward controlling others rather than reforming oneself?”  As we read we are reminded that we all to easily use religion as the means to help achieve our political ends.  He may just as easily been speaking about the church of today!

How often do we, in reality, “pray” asking that God rubber stamp our ideas and preferences as God’s will?  What about the judgements we pronounce on one another, inside and outside the walls of the church, while proclaiming that it is God’s will?  How about our failures to love one another and our neighbors? And yes, we certainly do cling tenaciously to our favorite religious norms while often proof texting the scriptures to justify them. In reality we do not look anything like the early church and certainly fail to give the world a true impression of what true Christ-likeness looks like.

He goes on to point out that organized religion is in decline and he has certainly highlighted much of the causes for said degeneration. Then he lays out the line that really sticks in my craw because it drives home the nail.  “The ability to be faithful in a religious space and reasonable in a political one has atrophied before our eyes.”   Now that preaches to us all, secular or sacred in our beliefs.  For in both our churches and our political realms we have moved far afield of the intentions of our founding fathers and our Creator Father: we have become increasingly self-absorbed.”   Ummmm…  I seem to recall my theology classes identifying that excessive selfishness as the core of “original sin.”

Thomas Jefferson called himself a real follower of Jesus. By this, he meant that he sought to live by the values and principles which he could believe Jesus taught rather than by all the additional religious trappings added over the ensuing centuries.  It is a good place to start:  seeking to be as much like Jesus as we humanly can. Such a daunting task will require guidance from the very one in whose Way we seek to walk.

So, Let us pray… a lot, and hard.  And let us remember that prayer is not about talking at God. it is about listening to God and waiting for God’s will to be spoken to us.   Amen?  Amen!

I KNEW it! Don’t you wanna know too?

I had often thought it and occasionally read it.  The Bible seemed to be filled with illustrations of this simple yet profound truth.  Some characters from the Scripture embodied the negative side, some rose above their mere humanity to become a positive illustration.  Jesus clearly epitomized this great truth.  He lived it. He embodied it. He just plain WAS and IS the Truth.  So once upon a time I set out on a personal journey of reading, praying, learning, and being mentored in this way of understanding myself and the people around me. Through the experiences and writings of some good folks to whom God had given this wisdom and insight I began to learn.  I am still learning, and practicing.  And recently a new author has put it into the context of the church in such a clear way that I just can’t help but pass it on. What am I talking about?  I am talking about the link between our emotional maturity and our spiritual maturity.

Murray Bowen pioneered what has become known as Family Systems Theory. Edwin Friedman, a student of Bowen, applied it to church and synagogue.  What’s it all about and why is it relevant to us in church?  It is about why we humans act the way we do, for better or for worse, and how we can learn to understand one another and pursue harmony in our communities of faith, our families, and our relationships. Most recently author Peter Scazzero began to tell his story as a Christian and a minister as he journeyed through life and ministry.  Let me share a couple of quotes from him and I think you will begin to get the picture.

“Sadly, for too long we (in the church) have delegated “emotional” issues to the therapist’s office and taken responsibility only for “spiritual” problems in the church, The two are inseparably linked and critical to a fully biblical discipleship.”

“Emotional health and spiritual maturity are inseparable. It is not possible to be spiritually mature while remaining emotionally immature.  When you understand this, you will walk through a door in your spiritual journey. By God’s grace you will never be the same. And you will embark on an exciting journey toward a beautiful life that will touch everyone around you – in your family, church, workplace, and neighborhood.”                  (the Emotionally Healthy Church, p19, 10)

So let me introduce you to his books, both of which I commend to you.  EMOTIONALLY HEALTHY SPIRITUALITY and THE EMOTIONALLY HEALTHY CHURCH.  And let me tell you that a friend who is a professional therapist teaches an introduction to this at his District Leadership Conference each spring. It embodies what he says he has been trying to say for a long time!  I wholeheartedly concur.

So, I invite you to join me on a journey.  Yes, I am seeking volunteers! Would you like to learn a Biblical and compassionate way of understanding and relating to the people in your life? Your church? Your  neighborhood? Your family? Your workplace?  Then respond and lets begin exploring, and learning, and living.  I really, really, really (can you tell how much I mean it?) believe that we can enjoy much more fulfilling lives as disciples, church members, and people than what we now experience in our congregations.

I’m Just Saying…

Sometimes we do  it on purpose, with reckless regard for the consequences. Most of the time I suspect that we do it unthinkingly, without any deliberate attempt to offend or wound. I am talking about the ways we folks who call ourselves Christian often take stands and defend our opinions and desires against all comers.

What is that something in we humans which makes us feel that we must affirm the validity of our personal preferences by seeing them as somehow superior to the alternatives? Why are we so uncomfortable with simply knowing and stating in “I” language that which we value?  Why do we find it so hard to respect the opinions of others who think differently?

Consider, for example, the many kinds of music played and sung in various styles of worship services throughout America.  I used to believe that the so called “worship wars” would subside quickly as we believers remembered whose we are. I was wrong. I still hear folks, many of whom I call friends, make statements about what they consider appropriate, worthwhile, meaningful, and godly without pausing to consider how their choice of words and the defense of their position may wound others. Lest I appear to be speaking to only one group let me go on the record as saying that I have seen this from people whose preferences include every style of worship and music I have experienced.  We have all used language and justification which wounds and excludes. We are all guilty of coming across as judgmental!  So to all my friends and acquaintances I want to say this from the bottom of my heart:

When I celebrate God Incarnate through the works of “The Messiah” or any of John Rutter’s marvelously rich creations I am not being snobbish or superior.  I am simply savoring the musically rich and elegant way God comes to me in song and sings me onward on my journey. What could equal the joyful exuberance of the “Hallelujah Chorus?”

When I sing and play contemporary Christian music from the pew or behind a mic I am not doing it to be entertained or to be adored as a performer. God speaks to me through the music (and through the enhanced visual experiences).  It feeds and nourishes me in my faith, and yes, it also challenges me. I don’t find many hymns which ask me tough questions like “If we are the Body, why aren’t His arms reaching, why aren’t his hands healing, why aren’t his feet going… why are His hands not showing – Jesus is the Way?”

When I partake of Southern Gospel and am not, by default, a rigid and legalistic believer who thinks that everything about this Christian life is black and white, easy, or simplistic. “Because He lives” really is why I can face tomorrow.

If you see me singing along and swaying to some Bluegrass gospel I am not an ignorant country hick who does not know better. My ancestors, and some of yours, could outplay Joshua Bell on that thing they called a “fiddle.”

For that matter, when I shake my maracas during Latino worship, I do not become immediately fluent in either Hispanic language or  culture. I am just enjoying the fellowship and lively worship with my brothers and sisters of another culture.   Gracias, Jesus!

The same goes for when I play the bongos!

No one of these or any other forms of worship and music is the “right” way, or the godly way to worship.  God speaks to us all in many different ways, through many different experiences.  There is nothing wrong with having our own individual preferences.  It is a very spiritually and emotionally mature person who can calmly and loving acknowledge the ways the Holy Spirit speaks to them while also affirming that the same Spirit speaks to others in varying ways.  It is also a very loving way to share our thoughts.

I seem to recall a fella named Paul who was a Jesus follower saying something like

“If I could speak (or sing, play, etc…?)  in all the languages of earth and of angels, but didn’t love others, I would only be a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.”

If you like traditional worship, with the hymns you have known all your life, I celebrate that God speaks to you through those songs.  If you enjoy the drums, or the flute, or the orchestra, or the cantata, or the Gaithers, or Allison Krauss then I applaud that you open yourself to hearing His voice in the music.  If you wave your arms and applaud I celebrate God with you. If you stand quietly, with hands folded prayerfully while kneeling, I affirm your attentiveness to that still small voice of God.

So how about we put aside all considerations about what is “appropriate” or “correct” or “reverent” and simply celebrate that in spite of all our differences, GOD STILL SPEAKS TO US.  Then we might just find that others hear God speaking to them through our spirit of love and acceptance.

Moving on

It is that time of year again: when many United Methodist pastors are on the move. This year I am one of them.  When I arrived here two years ago I thought I was settling in for the long haul. When I realized that the anticipated long haul would include living in the constant stress of an adversarial position I knew that God and I needed to rethink this plan. My sojourn in this stereotypical rural setting has reminded me who I am as well as who I am not. I am a woman in a male dominated profession. I am not interested in trying to act more like a man. I am gifted with a vision of an eclectic and inclusive community. I am not an ethnicaly exclusive person dedicated to preserving the status quo. I believe that God sent Jesus for every single person and that ministry is the calling of everyone who calls him/herself “Christian.” I do not believe that the purpose of the church is to “take care of our own.” I claim, like the founder of my denomination, “the world as my parish.” I am not called to be a chaplain dedicated to the whims of parishioners to the exclusion of everyone else. I am compassionate and patient with people. I am not a doormat or scapegoat.  I read in my Bible that we are called to be united with Christ as our head so that we seek to do God’s will. I do not read there that I am called to referree squabbles between parishioners each of whom wants to have it “their way.” I can teach and preach and facilitate the way out most proverbial boxes. I cannot sit silently with thumbs up while the deck chairs on the Titanic are being rearranged. So I find myself moving this year. My new parish lies in the metropolis of my state. Many of our neighbors do not speak English as their native language.  Most of them do not share our racial heritage. In fact, one of the worship services is in Spanish. We will need to learn new and better ways of relating to our community. Our challenge is to avoid an “us and them” division. As the movers load our stuff I am praying that everything I am, and all that I have learned and relearned about myself in the past two years will become the salt for this new stew in which I will serve and lead. I pray that together we can become that unique flavor called grace.

RIP my friend

Tonight I learned of the death, by suicide, of a good man I once called friend as well as Doctor.

Bruce  was a good man. Kind and giving, he bonded with his patients and his community. No one was ever just the “next” on his daily schedule. Each woman he saw was a unique individual, valued by God and thus worthy of his time and compassion.  Treating others with dignity was an essential part of his calling as a physician and as a Christian.

He wanted more than just physical healing for his patients. He also longed to help them find spiritual wholeness.  So passionate was his pursuit of this that he left his practice for a period of time to learn more about healthy eating and spiritual living so that he could bring these gifts back to the people of his community. I count myself as one of those fortunate recipients of God’s grace as delivered through his skills.

This brilliant man who gave so freely of himself knew firsthand what it felt like to be on the receiving end of rejection.  His own family disowned him early in his adult life  for becoming a physician because they saw it as a rejection of the “Christian Science” upbringing they had given him.  Perhaps because he knew how it felt to be thus “orphaned” he worked diligently in support of adoption programs for children and families.  Like many who are passionate caregivers, he also knew the pain of  trying to help an addicted ex-spouse while wrestling with   awareness of his own workaholic contribution to struggling relationships. It was easier, perhaps, to give and give of himself to so many than to acknowledge and personally nurture that empty spot within himself. After all, self awareness of one’s own coping mechanisms does not come easily.

Suicide has been described as the ultimately selfish solution to life’s problems.   There is an anything but simple truth in that assertion.  For some the selfishness is rooted in a desire to punish those who are seen as causing pain. Other individuals see it as the only way to end their own pain. I suspect that sometimes it is the one desperate attempt, however misconceived, at defining themselves by taking control of a life that has careened out of control.  For reasons  none of us will ever fully comprehend, Bruce seemed to see this fatal act as the one thing he could do for himself. Clearly, the physician could not heal himself. But I sure wish that my friend could have trusted the Great Physician in whose name he helped so many find healing and wholeness to give those gifts to him as well. And I really wish he could have reached out to the help available through the God-given gifts of those who make it their life work to help others who seek mental healing and wholeness. I wish he could have fully known what a blessing his life was to so many and how loved and valued he was by his friends and colleagues.  May God embrace him with the arms of peace and love he could not seem to find in this world. RIP, my friend.

Yes Virginia, there IS grace!

Bob is a Christian,  a practicing Roman Catholic.  Bob is also married to me, a Protestant clergy woman.  For some people that is lot to wrap their minds around.  “Huh? How can that be?” people ask.  Some of our fellow believers just cannot understand how two people from these particular denominations could possibly reconcile the differences in their faith backgrounds.  After all, Catholicism would definitely not recognize my calling and ordination.  I would not be likely to express a conviction that the Pope is the infallible authority for my life choices.  The list of differences could go on and on, as they could in any comparison of denominations.  But why would we want to focus on the differences and the things we don’t know or understand about our fellow Christians  when we could certainly find that we share many common and basic tenets of our faith? I recall a cheery song which encouraged us to “Accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative.”  We could go far toward the positive when we have  a better understanding of  and appreciation  for one another. Case in point:

I once had the honor of being pastor to a couple who came from the same two religious  backgrounds as Bob and myself.  She grew up in the Methodist church I was serving. He grew up in the Catholic church in town.  He was a Vietnam veteran with many of the scars that war inflicted on it’s soldiers, including a marriage which had fallen apart.  His children completed their youth in their mother’s home and faith.  He had felt disconnected from God, the church, and many of his fellow humans for a long time.  The rapidly approaching end of life which cancer brings got him pondering anew the meaning of life, death, and legacies.  He and his wife talked with me about how he wanted the funeral to go.  It was his deepest desire, he said, to have his life celebrated in the church which had nurtured he and his protestant wife through his illness.  But he also wanted to be connected, for his childrens’ sake as well as his, to the church of his baptism.  So I suggested that we include the priest from his church in his death, our planning, and his funeral.  At the funeral, held in my church, the good Father had all the parts which in Catholicism belong to the ordained priest of his tradition. I had the other parts. Each of us read scripture and spoke words of compassion and comfort to the grieving family and friends.  Then we went to the graveside to continue our shared ministry, with the honors afforded a veteran also included.

After the service, as the church served up a meal to the family,  sweet Mother Mary who was the matriarch of my congregation pulled me aside in the kitchen to share her newly found insights.  “Why preacher, I had never heard or seen a Catholic priest before. He read from the same Bible you read from! And he said the same things you do! I did not know that we were so alike!”

At that moment, I believe we both caught a glimpse of Jesus smiling and muttering “Yes, my children.  I am the way, the truth, and the life!”

Making a Difference? Oh Yeah!

Do you ever wonder  if anything we do really matters? Do we ever actually make a difference in someone’s life? Inquiring minds and spirits want to know!

These questions often rise to the surface of our minds. They may become particularly prominent when we consider spending time with someone who suffers from some form of dementia such as Alzheimers.

“But they won’t remeber who I am,” we think. “They will never recall that I was here.”  “He/she can’t even focus enough to have a cohesive conversation with me.” All these, and other realities, haunt us as we ponder whether our presence matters at all.

One day, as I visited with a sweet woman whose health is rapidly declining due to one of these disease processes, I found an answer to my version of these queries. She had only met me once before, mere weeks ago, and candidly admitted that she had Alzheimers. “I can’t remember where we are when we chat, so you just talk to me about nything at all and I will enjoy it.  I like stories,” she said.

So I told her a charming story about some of the kids at church and she listened with a tired but joyous smile on her face. Then I asked, “Do you also like music? Do you have a favorite hymn?”  “Name some” she responded. When I mentioned “Amazing Grace” she glowed and said “I LOVE that song!” So I offered to sing it for her.

As I sang, her lips mouthed the words with me and her eyes grew moist. At the end, she reached up, beseeching me for a hug and we embraced.

A few weeks later she went to sing with the Heavenly Hosts. I bet “Amazing Grace” was her first request.

Oh yeah, we make a difference all right!  But I am not sure who benefits more: those we reach out to, or us!